Divorce is rarely just about the end of a relationship, especially when substantial wealth, children, and businesses are involved. If you’re a high net worth individual, the decision to separate is not only emotionally complex but also legally and financially intricate. These sensitive situations demand a high level of preparation.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur, investor, or public figure, the way you approach separation will affect your personal and financial future. You’ve already made the difficult decision. Now, the question becomes: how do you tell your spouse you want a divorce in a way that’s clear, controlled, and protects what matters most?
This guide not only walks you through that first critical conversation, it includes everything you need to prepare for the process to come. It is designed to help you move forward with confidence, clarity, and the right legal support from the outset.
Before Starting a Divorce Conversation: Basic Preparation
Before telling a spouse you want a divorce, there are a few basic steps you should take. These include gathering financial documents, obtaining guidance from a family solicitor, and choosing the setting for the conversation. Preparation is key to minimising emotions, while also helping you to understand the crucial figures — and possible entitlements — at stake.
The following steps will put you in a better position to tackle the divorce process:
1 – Secure Your Financial Position
Your preparation should begin weeks, not days, before the conversation takes place. Essential documents to gather in advance include:
- Bank statements (personal and joint accounts).
- Investment portfolios and share certificates.
- Property deeds and mortgage statements.
- Business valuations and partnership agreements.
- Pension statements and retirement accounts.
- Tax returns for the past three years.
- Insurance policies and beneficiary details.
- Don’t wait until after you’ve spoken. Once divorce proceedings begin, accessing shared accounts may become more challenging.
One final tip: Do not attempt to access any files or documents that do not belong to you. This could put you in difficulties for mishandling your spouse’s personal information and you could fall foul of the rules in Immerman around data privacy.
2 – Claim Financial Independence
Divorces in England and Wales will take at least six months to finalise. In addition, the longer the process takes, the more expensive you can expect it to be. Therefore, it’s important to be able to access your own funds to pay for fees and expenses in the interim.
You should aim to:
- Open a personal bank account (if you don’t already have one).
- Ensure there are sufficient funds available for immediate expenses.
- Consider bolstering your credit rating.
- It’s crucial to note that this isn’t about hiding or transferring assets; full financial disclosure is a legal obligation in England and Wales. It’s solely about having some financial control during what could be a costly process.
3 – Understand How Divorce Law Works in the UK
The courts in England and Wales aim to ensure that divorce doesn’t leave either spouse at a financial disadvantage. But because every relationship is unique, there’s no automatic, one-size-fits-all application. Understanding how the law could be applied to your marriage is far easier — and more effective — when you’ve obtained reliable legal guidance.
Key questions to ask your solicitor:
- What are my rights regarding property, assets, and debts under English law?
- How might complex holdings (business interests, overseas properties, etc.) be divided?
- Should I consider a financial remedy application?
- What’s the likely timeline for divorce proceedings and financial settlement?
- What are the costs involved, including court fees?
- Should I consider mediation, collaborative divorce, or arbitration?
- Do I need a Form E financial disclosure?
Understanding your rights, the potential outcomes, and the overarching process will give you confidence during discussions and help you answer questions your spouse may raise.
4 – Choose the Right Setting
Many people ask, “How do you tell your spouse you want a divorce without causing unnecessary pain or adding to the conflict?” Part of the answer lies in choosing the right setting. This conversation deserves privacy, time, and the right environment. Choose a place where you both feel comfortable and where you won’t be interrupted. Your home is often best, but consider whether you’ll need to leave immediately afterward.
It’s generally best to avoid public places or moments when either of you is stressed or distracted. Weekends can work well, when you’re both rested and have time to process the discussion.
How to Start a Divorce Conversation
Although telling a spouse you want to divorce is never easy, it can seem less daunting when you break the conversation into separate phases. Once you’ve raised the subject clearly, be prepared to explain your reasons and then discuss practicalities. These include child and living arrangements and how you will handle finances until the separation is complete.
Open with Clarity and Compassion
Begin with a clear, unambiguous statement. Avoid phrases like “I think we should talk about our relationship” or “I’m not happy.” Instead, be direct: “I’ve made the decision that I want us to divorce. I’d like to talk about how we can handle this as respectfully as possible.“
It might also help to acknowledge the gravity of what you’re saying. “I know this is devastating news, and I don’t take this decision lightly. I’ve thought about this carefully over time, and I believe this is the right path for both of us.” This will set a more compassionate tone, which could be especially helpful if the desire to separate is only coming from one spouse.
Explain Your Decision Without Blame
It’s almost inevitable that your partner will want to understand why you feel this way. Prepare a thoughtful explanation that focuses on incompatibility rather than their faults. “We’ve grown in different directions,” “Our fundamental values and goals are not the same anymore,” or “Despite everything, we’ve not been able to build the relationship we both want and deserve“. These are much more constructive statements than making accusations or listing grievances.
If there’s been infidelity or other serious issues, acknowledge them honestly but try to avoid turning the conversation into a character assassination. Remember, you may need to co-parent or maintain some form of relationship in the future; particularly if you share business interests.
Prepare For Practical Questions
Before starting the conversation, prepare answers for the most urgent issues. This means being ready to discuss the potentially complex questions your spouse may ask. These typically range from what happens to the family home to how you can both make the divorce less stressful for the children.
Common topics that should be covered include:
Questions About Living Arrangements
- Who will stay in the family home?
- If you have children, how will this affect their routine?
- Should one of you stay elsewhere temporarily?
When it comes to living arrangements during a divorce, it’s vital to present options rather than ultimatums. Demands can often make a difficult situation even worse.
Questions About Children (if Applicable)
- How can you both show commitment to their wellbeing?
- How can you keep their needs to the fore: “Our priority is making sure the children feel secure and loved throughout this process.“
- When and how do you tell them together?
Questions About Finances
- How will you handle joint accounts during separation?
- Who pays ongoing household expenses?
- What about shared debts, such as credit cards and loans?
Questions About the Overall Timeline
- Is this decision final or is there room for counselling or therapy?
- What are the next practical steps?
Be honest about where you stand, but avoid being unnecessarily harsh.
Preparing for Different Reactions
Even if you’ve prepared for difficult questions, it’s not always easy to predict emotions. In the heat of the moment your spouse could react in a number of ways, from anger and hostility to sadness and hurt. These reactions can make it difficult to maintain composure, so it’s useful to remember a few pointers to navigate the situation easier.
If Your Spouse is Upset
What to Say:
- “I understand this is shocking, and I’m sorry you’re in pain”.
- “I know you need time to process this”.
- “Would it help if I stayed elsewhere tonight to give you space?”.
- “Should we tell the children together, or would you prefer to wait a few days?”.
What NOT to Say:
- “You must have seen this coming”
- “I’ve been unhappy for years”
Generally it is beneficial to avoid saying anything that will either minimise their sense of pain or shock. Even if, in the moment, you want to help, it’s never sensible to undermine emotions.
If They Become Angry or Aggressive
Some people respond with anger, accusations, or even threats. If this happens, try to stay calm and don’t escalate. You might try to defuse the situation by saying words to the effect of: “I understand you’re angry. This is a lot to process. Perhaps we should continue the conversation when we’ve both had time to think?“
If a spouse makes threats about sensitive subjects like money, children, or reputational damage, don’t respond in kind. Simply state: “I hope we can work through this constructively. I think it would be helpful for both of us to speak with our own solicitors so we understand the process ahead.”
Your safety and your wellbeing are paramount, as are those of your children. If you feel as if someone’s personal safety is under threat, you should seek to remove yourself to safety and contact the police if you believe it’s necessary.
If They Want to Fight for the Marriage
Your spouse may suggest counselling, making sweeping changes, or just ask for another chance. If your mind is made up, be kind but firm: “I appreciate that you want to work on things, but I’ve already spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I don’t believe counselling will change my mind. I think our energy is better spent on making this transition as smooth as possible.“
If They Agree
Sometimes both parties will have been unhappy in the relationship, and a spouse may express agreement, or even relief. While this makes the conversation easier, don’t assume the entire process will be just as straightforward. Although it’s a much more positive foundation to build on, even amicable divorces require careful attention to detail; particularly when high value assets like pensions, businesses, investments, and overseas properties are a feature of the relationship.
After the Conversation: What Next?
Once you’ve told your spouse you want a divorce, the next steps are just as important as the conversation itself. Once you’ve given your partner time to reflect, you’ll then need to put in place some practical measures.
These include:
Immediate Actions
- Give your spouse time to process.
- Finalise your solicitor appointment.
- Plan temporary living arrangements, if needed.
- Agree on when and how to tell the children (if applicable).
- Consider mediation or collaborative divorce.
Managing Communication
Set clear boundaries. Focus on practical matters and avoid rehashing the reasons behind your decision. Be prepared for emotions to resurface. You might say something like: “I’m happy to talk about details, but I don’t think revisiting the past will help either of us.”
Agree on what you’ll tell friends, family, or business partners — and when. Unified messaging helps avoid confusion and conflict.
Protecting Yourself
- Keep written records of agreements and follow up important conversations with confirmation emails.
- Avoid making financial decisions or large purchases without legal advice.
- Don’t restrict your spouse’s access to joint funds unless advised.
Critical Mistakes to Avoid
- Don’t bring it up during an argument.
- Don’t involve or confide in the children too early.
- Don’t move out without first seeking legal guidance — it can affect your case — unless you feel your safety is at risk.
- Don’t assume a calm conversation guarantees an amicable divorce.
This is a defining moment — not just for the end of your marriage, but the beginning of your next chapter. Preparation, compassion, and the right professional advice will help you move forward with confidence and protect what matters most.
Get the Support You Need Today
Divorce is not only a legal process, it’s a major life change. And when wealth, status, and long-term planning are part of the picture, preparation is more than just a practical step — it’s a vital safeguard. By approaching the conversation with clarity and compassion, and by securing trusted legal support early, you give yourself the best chance of reaching a resolution that safeguards your family, your finances, and your future.
At Lowry Legal, we specialise in complex high net worth divorces. Whether your case involves intricate asset structures, international dimensions, family businesses, or reputational concerns, we offer discreet, strategic representation tailored to your priorities.
You’ve made your decision. We’re here to help you protect it; and everything else you’ve built over time.
Contact Lowry Legal in confidence today to discuss your next steps.
*Lowry Legal are solicitors. We are not trained counsellors or therapists. The examples given in this blog are taken from experience of dealing with these matters for many years. However, before making any major decisions, you may feel it is best to consult a trained counsellor or therapist who is better placed to give you personalised and individual guidance on how to handle the initial stages of your separation.
